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Oh No They Didn't!
You have heard of the
Darwin Awards. Now come a few not so brilliant
moments that some of
our listeners have sent to us.
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Feel like a
valedictorian?
I handed the
teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I
have large bills, please"
She looked at me
and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the
same size."
When I got up off
the floor, I explained it to her....
This was at
the Ford dealership in Canton, MS:
When my husband and I arrived at an
automobile dealership to pick up our car, we
were told the keys had been locked in it.
We
went to the service department and found a
mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
driver side door. As I watched from the
passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered that it was
unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the
technician, "it's open!" His reply: "I know.
I already got that side."
We had to have the
garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told
us that one of our problems was that we did not
have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a
minute, and said that we had the largest one
Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head
and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I
responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO,
it's not..' Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used
Sears repair since.
My daughter and I
went through the McDonald's take-out window and
I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a
quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said,
'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a
dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who
asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and
said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind
of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and
75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McDonald's.
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From Kingman , KS:
I live in a semi
rural area. We recently had a new
neighbor call the local township administrative
office to request the
removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: "Too
many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is
a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kansas City:
My
daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for
'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but
they only had iceburg lettuce. --
Happened in
Birmingham , Ala:
I was at the
airport, checking in at the gate when an airport
employee asked,
"Has
anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
To which I
replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know?"
He smiled
knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
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Probation officer in
Wichita , KS:
The stoplight on
the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the
street.
I was crossing with a coworker of mine. She
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when
the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are
blind people doing driving?!"
This was a lunch at Texas
Instruments:
At a good-bye
luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was
leaving the company due to "downsizing,"' our manager
commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do
this more often."
Not another word
was spoken. We all just looked at each other
with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
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A deputy with the
Dallas County Sheriff was seen....
I work with an
individual who plugged her power strip back into
itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't
understand why her system would not turn on.
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