Sardonic Wisdom
(and maybe a little sarcastic too!)
Do not walk
behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not
follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
The journey
of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It's
always
darkest
before
dawn.
So
if you're going to steal your neighbor's
newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Don't be
irreplaceable. If you
can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.
Always
remember that you're unique.
Just like everyone else.
Never test
the depth of the water with both feet.
If you
think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you
criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way,
when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first
you don't succeed,
skydiving is probably not for you.
Give a man
a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will
sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend
someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise
investment.
If you tell
the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days
you're the bug;
some days you're the windshield.
Everyone
seems normal until you get to know them.
The
quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back
in your pocket.
A
closed
mouth
gathers
no
foot.
Duct tape
is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds
the universe together.
There are
two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.
Generally
speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .
Experience
is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never miss
a good chance to shut up.
AND
Never,
under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.
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